By now everyone has seen the lady to the left. She is a plus size model who posted nude photos of herself on the internet to prove that beauty comes in all sizes. The images below are the differences between Dove's Beauty Campaign and Victoria Secret's Beauty Campaign. Huge difference. But as a woman, I wondered what do men really want and why do some women, well, most women, try to be thinner than they are naturally just to find a man.
So I started doing some research. Men like curves. I hear that a lot. Of course, there is a difference between healthy and obese, as well as a difference between healthy and anorexic. But why do we always see men gravitate and talk to the thin women rather than the "healthy" or curvy ones?
AskMen.com is one of my favorite e-zines to read. I like getting a male perspective on things, and while reading in my effort to research this topic more, I found two articles that were very contradictory to each other. They had one article that is called, "Proven Traits Men Desire in Women" and the other was called, "All We Want is a Fat Girlfriend." Hmmmm.....really?? Okay, so I read both and this was what I discovered.
The first article, the traits men found desirable in women, supposedly scientifically proven, had 10 traits listed. 4 of them had to do with personality: minimal neuroticsm, agreeable and empathetic, self-sacrificing, and appreciative. Okay, I can kind of go with those. The 5 had to do with figures or fashion: wears red, 70% ratio hips to waist, large eyes and balanced mouth, body attractiveness, and facial attractiveness. The one that was about neither was women who were ovulating (well, that lets most of us older women out of the loop.)
The other article talked about how women are who influence small sizes onto other women, not men. Men prefer curves and voluptuousness to think and boy like. They want someone to hold onto, someone who is soft and feminine. They want women who are healthy. However, this is dispelled by several factors.
First is women themselves. Women who have some curves or extra weight usually put themselves down about it. Men prefer confident women but then reject those who have body image problems due to being overweight. Second, and this is my own opinion, I think men have a standard to live up to with their peers. Men who date hot, thin women are complimented by their male peers. They are told how they hit the jackpot. The first question when someone tells of the new woman they went out with is, "Is she hot?" Men have pressured themselves into pursuing the Victoria Secret model and are pushing their own personal desires and ideals about what is attractive aside to meet the expectations of their male peers. Men who date women who are larger than the models are told to be chubby chasers....they are ridiculed and isolated. They are made fun of and men do not handle peer pressure well. Of course, neither do women. :)
So, we have a lot of articles about accepting women as they are. Looking for their true traits in a relationship such as how intelligent they are, how nice, are they willing to work on a relationship and be generous with their love? But we are leaving out the second part of the equation. Those things won't work until men start accepting these women in front of their peers and stop trying to follow the crowd. Until men can be proud of who they are dating, regardless of their size, full figured women will always be left by the wayside wondering what they could have done.
Rejection is something none of us seeks out. Honestly, it is a good thing. It keeps us from being with someone who isn't who we should be with due to incompatible goals, values, or dreams. However, rejecting someone because of their shape is not a fair way to judge a future relationship. If someone does judge me that way, well, their loss. I can say all day that I don't want someone that superficial, but in the end, it still hurts. Some of us have little choice to our size. Mine is genetic. I have been the same size since I was 16 years old. At the age of 48, I think it is pretty good that I am smaller now than I was when I got married at 19. Genetics and biology made me this way. I was athletic and I eat right. I am active and still, no matter what I have done in my life, I remain as I am. I am Greek and you have seen Greek women, most of us are not small. Short yes, thin no. But I am healthy. Very healthy. Perfect blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. No heart disease, no lung problems, no nothing. Not too bad,
But I still struggle with weight. Not body image as much as fear of acceptance if I am thinner. I am fear that if I were to get thinner and men were attracted to me who weren't before, that would prove to me that I am worth no more than what I look like. And I am not sure I could live with that. I am very intelligent, very active, very nice, compassionate, passionate, kind, giving, empathetic, and believe in the good in the world. I am positive and optimistic. I am self sufficient and willing to do what I need to to better my lot in life. I love deeply and completely. In a relationship I would do everything I could to make sure the man in my life knows how important his is and how much I respect him. However, as long as that man is looking for a size 3, I may not have the opportunity to show someone how amazing I am.
Their loss......but you know, it is mine also.
We need so much to break the stigma men and women have of body diversity. We need people, men and women, to accept each other as they are and start to look at the virtues rather than their shapes. When was the last time you saw an attractive male with a lesser attractive female on television or in a movie? Usually it is the other way around. Attractive women with lesser attractive men. Male singers and musicians are afforded so much more leniency in looks than women. I can give you examples of at least 50 not very attractive men who are rock stars for ever 1 not so attractive female star. And talent doesn't have anything to do with it. It is all about looks. If you have talent, great, that is an extra. But if you have the right look.....they can make you sound good.
So the next time you look at your body, look at the joys it holds in its curves. The pleasure it gives and receives. And remember, when two bodies come together, you are too close to look at the roll or flab.....when you run your hands along someone's body, you don't feel the pounds, you feel the softness of the skin, the curve of muscle and bone. Stop obsessing about image and start obsessing about emotions and touch. Everyone is beautiful when they are lovingly touched by the person they sha
So I started doing some research. Men like curves. I hear that a lot. Of course, there is a difference between healthy and obese, as well as a difference between healthy and anorexic. But why do we always see men gravitate and talk to the thin women rather than the "healthy" or curvy ones?
AskMen.com is one of my favorite e-zines to read. I like getting a male perspective on things, and while reading in my effort to research this topic more, I found two articles that were very contradictory to each other. They had one article that is called, "Proven Traits Men Desire in Women" and the other was called, "All We Want is a Fat Girlfriend." Hmmmm.....really?? Okay, so I read both and this was what I discovered.
The first article, the traits men found desirable in women, supposedly scientifically proven, had 10 traits listed. 4 of them had to do with personality: minimal neuroticsm, agreeable and empathetic, self-sacrificing, and appreciative. Okay, I can kind of go with those. The 5 had to do with figures or fashion: wears red, 70% ratio hips to waist, large eyes and balanced mouth, body attractiveness, and facial attractiveness. The one that was about neither was women who were ovulating (well, that lets most of us older women out of the loop.)
The other article talked about how women are who influence small sizes onto other women, not men. Men prefer curves and voluptuousness to think and boy like. They want someone to hold onto, someone who is soft and feminine. They want women who are healthy. However, this is dispelled by several factors.
First is women themselves. Women who have some curves or extra weight usually put themselves down about it. Men prefer confident women but then reject those who have body image problems due to being overweight. Second, and this is my own opinion, I think men have a standard to live up to with their peers. Men who date hot, thin women are complimented by their male peers. They are told how they hit the jackpot. The first question when someone tells of the new woman they went out with is, "Is she hot?" Men have pressured themselves into pursuing the Victoria Secret model and are pushing their own personal desires and ideals about what is attractive aside to meet the expectations of their male peers. Men who date women who are larger than the models are told to be chubby chasers....they are ridiculed and isolated. They are made fun of and men do not handle peer pressure well. Of course, neither do women. :)
So, we have a lot of articles about accepting women as they are. Looking for their true traits in a relationship such as how intelligent they are, how nice, are they willing to work on a relationship and be generous with their love? But we are leaving out the second part of the equation. Those things won't work until men start accepting these women in front of their peers and stop trying to follow the crowd. Until men can be proud of who they are dating, regardless of their size, full figured women will always be left by the wayside wondering what they could have done.
Rejection is something none of us seeks out. Honestly, it is a good thing. It keeps us from being with someone who isn't who we should be with due to incompatible goals, values, or dreams. However, rejecting someone because of their shape is not a fair way to judge a future relationship. If someone does judge me that way, well, their loss. I can say all day that I don't want someone that superficial, but in the end, it still hurts. Some of us have little choice to our size. Mine is genetic. I have been the same size since I was 16 years old. At the age of 48, I think it is pretty good that I am smaller now than I was when I got married at 19. Genetics and biology made me this way. I was athletic and I eat right. I am active and still, no matter what I have done in my life, I remain as I am. I am Greek and you have seen Greek women, most of us are not small. Short yes, thin no. But I am healthy. Very healthy. Perfect blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. No heart disease, no lung problems, no nothing. Not too bad,
But I still struggle with weight. Not body image as much as fear of acceptance if I am thinner. I am fear that if I were to get thinner and men were attracted to me who weren't before, that would prove to me that I am worth no more than what I look like. And I am not sure I could live with that. I am very intelligent, very active, very nice, compassionate, passionate, kind, giving, empathetic, and believe in the good in the world. I am positive and optimistic. I am self sufficient and willing to do what I need to to better my lot in life. I love deeply and completely. In a relationship I would do everything I could to make sure the man in my life knows how important his is and how much I respect him. However, as long as that man is looking for a size 3, I may not have the opportunity to show someone how amazing I am.
Their loss......but you know, it is mine also.
We need so much to break the stigma men and women have of body diversity. We need people, men and women, to accept each other as they are and start to look at the virtues rather than their shapes. When was the last time you saw an attractive male with a lesser attractive female on television or in a movie? Usually it is the other way around. Attractive women with lesser attractive men. Male singers and musicians are afforded so much more leniency in looks than women. I can give you examples of at least 50 not very attractive men who are rock stars for ever 1 not so attractive female star. And talent doesn't have anything to do with it. It is all about looks. If you have talent, great, that is an extra. But if you have the right look.....they can make you sound good.
So the next time you look at your body, look at the joys it holds in its curves. The pleasure it gives and receives. And remember, when two bodies come together, you are too close to look at the roll or flab.....when you run your hands along someone's body, you don't feel the pounds, you feel the softness of the skin, the curve of muscle and bone. Stop obsessing about image and start obsessing about emotions and touch. Everyone is beautiful when they are lovingly touched by the person they sha