I am not supposed to do online dating. I promised myself after a really bad experience a few years ago. However, I do get curious and since my line of work doesn't allow me access to the public very much, my circle of where I can meet eligible men is limited. So, on an evening I was totally bored, I decided to check in on one of them. Oh, I shouldn't have done that.
OKCupid is a free site where you can talk and message without paying a fee. While some people say that pay sites have a better selection, if he is willing to pay he must be serious, I have found that there are just as much liars and scam artists on the pay sites as not, so why bother. This site in particular allows you to answer questions so you can determine is someone shares similar values. However, most of the questions are things that I find are inappropriate to know before you meet someone. I mean, especially the sexual questions....isn't that something you should figure out in the process of building an intimate relationship, not as a basis for forming one in the first place?
There are also value based questions that, while it isn't something I would normally ask on a first date, it can be a deciding factor if I decide to continue to talk to someone or not. For example, a guy asked me out for coffee recently. I agreed based on the fact that my cousin told me I had to go just to expand my circle. Good enough for me (she is a scary woman when angered! no, just kidding...she is Greek, we are all scary when angered). So I start going through the questions and notice that he thinks homosexuality is a sin and homosexual couples should not have children. WOW. I emailed him and said, I think we have some major fundamental differences and should rethink coffee. I haven't heard back from him.
I was glad that question was asked and he had answered it, I hate to waste time getting to know someone only to find out they are a closed minded bigot. However, other questions are not things I want to share with just anyone. I think a lot of the questions are too subjective as well. One is, How do you show someone you appreciate or love them? Well, that is totally based on what the other person responds to. If they feel appreciated by words, then in a relationship I would learn that and give them the words of appreciation they need. I would do that for someone I love....even if it is not how I need love shown to me (quality time and touch are mine...just in case anyone is interested. LOL) Many of the questions, especially about lifestyle, often will have different answers based on if the person is single or in a relationship. So asking them is a waste of time because once the person is in a relationship, they may change that habit or lifestyle trait. For example, I use Facebook a lot. But mainly because I get most of my news and blog feeds (i like getting all my news in one place) on it as well as my kids and family communicate a lot on Facebook. However, if I had someone I was sharing my life with and was at home with in the evenings, I would not be on Facebook near as much, if at all. So that question is irrelevant.
I do not answer a lot of the questions, especially the ones about sex. I did in the past, but realized that men were reading certain things and contacting me because of what I had answered on a question, not because they were interested in me but my attitudes about sex. So I deleted all of them and started over. I do not get nearly as many contacts as I did before. And, I am sad to say, the quality is not any better either. So in the world of online dating, I don't think who I am as a person really matters that much, it is more about whose fantasy does my picture or answers fulfill. I do not want to be someone's fantasy, I want to be their reality, so I think I will stick to being alone in a real world than being with fake people looking for fake relationships.
My dogs like cuddling on the couch and sleeping in bed with me at least....... :)
OKCupid is a free site where you can talk and message without paying a fee. While some people say that pay sites have a better selection, if he is willing to pay he must be serious, I have found that there are just as much liars and scam artists on the pay sites as not, so why bother. This site in particular allows you to answer questions so you can determine is someone shares similar values. However, most of the questions are things that I find are inappropriate to know before you meet someone. I mean, especially the sexual questions....isn't that something you should figure out in the process of building an intimate relationship, not as a basis for forming one in the first place?
There are also value based questions that, while it isn't something I would normally ask on a first date, it can be a deciding factor if I decide to continue to talk to someone or not. For example, a guy asked me out for coffee recently. I agreed based on the fact that my cousin told me I had to go just to expand my circle. Good enough for me (she is a scary woman when angered! no, just kidding...she is Greek, we are all scary when angered). So I start going through the questions and notice that he thinks homosexuality is a sin and homosexual couples should not have children. WOW. I emailed him and said, I think we have some major fundamental differences and should rethink coffee. I haven't heard back from him.
I was glad that question was asked and he had answered it, I hate to waste time getting to know someone only to find out they are a closed minded bigot. However, other questions are not things I want to share with just anyone. I think a lot of the questions are too subjective as well. One is, How do you show someone you appreciate or love them? Well, that is totally based on what the other person responds to. If they feel appreciated by words, then in a relationship I would learn that and give them the words of appreciation they need. I would do that for someone I love....even if it is not how I need love shown to me (quality time and touch are mine...just in case anyone is interested. LOL) Many of the questions, especially about lifestyle, often will have different answers based on if the person is single or in a relationship. So asking them is a waste of time because once the person is in a relationship, they may change that habit or lifestyle trait. For example, I use Facebook a lot. But mainly because I get most of my news and blog feeds (i like getting all my news in one place) on it as well as my kids and family communicate a lot on Facebook. However, if I had someone I was sharing my life with and was at home with in the evenings, I would not be on Facebook near as much, if at all. So that question is irrelevant.
I do not answer a lot of the questions, especially the ones about sex. I did in the past, but realized that men were reading certain things and contacting me because of what I had answered on a question, not because they were interested in me but my attitudes about sex. So I deleted all of them and started over. I do not get nearly as many contacts as I did before. And, I am sad to say, the quality is not any better either. So in the world of online dating, I don't think who I am as a person really matters that much, it is more about whose fantasy does my picture or answers fulfill. I do not want to be someone's fantasy, I want to be their reality, so I think I will stick to being alone in a real world than being with fake people looking for fake relationships.
My dogs like cuddling on the couch and sleeping in bed with me at least....... :)