Someone at church came up to me a few weeks ago as I was sitting in the Parish Hall doing some work before a class started. I like working there when I can because it is peaceful and quiet. Even when others are busy around me I still get a sense of quiet. He came over to the table I was sitting at and said, "There is the shy girl. Why are you sitting all alone?" I looked up and said, "I am not shy, I am an introvert." There was no chance ever that this could be a good opening line to talk to me. He didn't know, so I don't fault him. It was actually nice he came and spoke to me. We talked for a few minutes then he went on his way. We knew each other, and he always teases me about being shy, but I thought about it later and wondered, how would I respond if that were someone who was interested in me? Like...romantically? {sighs in despair}
I have often been told that I am unapproachable. I look intimidating sitting somewhere alone with my book and a glass of wine. I don't consciously give off a vibe that I am unapproachable, it is apparently a trait of introverts. My mother used to tell me I looked intimidating. LOL Me?? Intimidating?? Right HAHAHAHA
So, how do you romance an introvert? Well, first thing is to spot one. We are often hard to identify because we are not shy, a common misnomer. We are quiet, but not shy. Sometimes my friends have to make me shut up. But only in small groups of people I am familiar with. Or large groups of people I have never met. Public speaking? Yeah, I can do that with a flair and never bat an eye.
But put me in a room with ten or more people whom I don't know very well and I will stand there and nod for 4 hours or until someone strikes up a conversation with me. Am I bored? No way! I am watching, observing, and learning. By the time the 4 hours is up I will have figured out everyone in the room; their backgrounds, their philosophies, their politics, their ethics, and their phobias.
Do not approach an introvert with a line or a lie. We figure them out. At work they tell people not to lie to me because I always figure it out. I am an expert at watching people's non-verbal nuances. I can tell if someone is lying, uncomfortable, angry, sad, happy....whatever they are feeling and trying not to show. So approach me with honesty and expect to get honesty back.
Pay me a real compliment. Don't tell me I am pretty or have a pretty smile. I already know that or it really doesn't mean much. I am pretty to some, not to others. So is every other woman. I do have a great smile. Tell me something different. Tell me something that makes me think you put some thought into it. It will win my curiosity and you will be granted a seat at my table. Best compliment I ever had was, "you have such an air of passion about you." Wow. yeah.....WOW.
If you take me out, take me somewhere quiet and interesting. A bookstore, a restaurant that is small and out of the way. Dim lighting and no loud music. Maybe a jazz band or a piano playing softly in the background. Introverts get very overwhelmed with crowds and noise. And we need an environment that is conducive to us being able to talk; answer and ask questions, get to know each other.
Watch my personal space, invade it ever so slowly and watch my reactions. If you respond to how I react you get major brownie points. Put your hand at the small of my back as we walk through a door, or on my shoulder. Hold my elbow if we have to walk through a crowd, it makes me feel safe. Small touches work best at first. Don't grab my hand and hold it, but place it next to mine so they touch, then let me decide to let you into my space. It is very difficult for introverts to allow others into their personal and physical space, so if I let you in, you have gained something very few people ever do.
Ask me questions but nothing too personal. Ask me about what I am passionate about; work, a cause, saving the rainforest or the puppies at the shelter. Let me talk; I will get animated and you will see my passion come through. If you don't, it isn't working. Let me ask you questions as well. But don't be alarmed if I stop talking and am just quiet for a bit. Listening to the music or background noises, watching the kids and the couple at the next table, staring at the painting on the wall. Introverts are okay with quiet and you have to be too if you want to see me again.
Be honest if you like the time you spend with me. Make me feel important. Tell me how you feel, please don't make me guess. Introverts are thinkers, we analyze everything, so if you don't tell me, I will figure it out on my own and sometimes I am wrong. If you don't want to see me again, please thank me for the evening but tell me that you don't think we are a good fit. I am better with that than wondering. If you do want to see me again, tell me. And you don't have to wait three days to call. But that isn't because I am introvert, that is because I haven't been out on a date in a long time. :)
Romancing an introvert is difficult for most people because we are a minority and most people are used to dealing with extroverts. Even introverts are used to extroverts. So be patient with us, be honest with us, and be happy to see us. We love praise and attention just like everyone else, just maybe a little quieter.
Happy Valentine's Day to all the extroverts and introverts......may you join together in peaceful bliss.
I have often been told that I am unapproachable. I look intimidating sitting somewhere alone with my book and a glass of wine. I don't consciously give off a vibe that I am unapproachable, it is apparently a trait of introverts. My mother used to tell me I looked intimidating. LOL Me?? Intimidating?? Right HAHAHAHA
So, how do you romance an introvert? Well, first thing is to spot one. We are often hard to identify because we are not shy, a common misnomer. We are quiet, but not shy. Sometimes my friends have to make me shut up. But only in small groups of people I am familiar with. Or large groups of people I have never met. Public speaking? Yeah, I can do that with a flair and never bat an eye.
But put me in a room with ten or more people whom I don't know very well and I will stand there and nod for 4 hours or until someone strikes up a conversation with me. Am I bored? No way! I am watching, observing, and learning. By the time the 4 hours is up I will have figured out everyone in the room; their backgrounds, their philosophies, their politics, their ethics, and their phobias.
Do not approach an introvert with a line or a lie. We figure them out. At work they tell people not to lie to me because I always figure it out. I am an expert at watching people's non-verbal nuances. I can tell if someone is lying, uncomfortable, angry, sad, happy....whatever they are feeling and trying not to show. So approach me with honesty and expect to get honesty back.
Pay me a real compliment. Don't tell me I am pretty or have a pretty smile. I already know that or it really doesn't mean much. I am pretty to some, not to others. So is every other woman. I do have a great smile. Tell me something different. Tell me something that makes me think you put some thought into it. It will win my curiosity and you will be granted a seat at my table. Best compliment I ever had was, "you have such an air of passion about you." Wow. yeah.....WOW.
If you take me out, take me somewhere quiet and interesting. A bookstore, a restaurant that is small and out of the way. Dim lighting and no loud music. Maybe a jazz band or a piano playing softly in the background. Introverts get very overwhelmed with crowds and noise. And we need an environment that is conducive to us being able to talk; answer and ask questions, get to know each other.
Watch my personal space, invade it ever so slowly and watch my reactions. If you respond to how I react you get major brownie points. Put your hand at the small of my back as we walk through a door, or on my shoulder. Hold my elbow if we have to walk through a crowd, it makes me feel safe. Small touches work best at first. Don't grab my hand and hold it, but place it next to mine so they touch, then let me decide to let you into my space. It is very difficult for introverts to allow others into their personal and physical space, so if I let you in, you have gained something very few people ever do.
Ask me questions but nothing too personal. Ask me about what I am passionate about; work, a cause, saving the rainforest or the puppies at the shelter. Let me talk; I will get animated and you will see my passion come through. If you don't, it isn't working. Let me ask you questions as well. But don't be alarmed if I stop talking and am just quiet for a bit. Listening to the music or background noises, watching the kids and the couple at the next table, staring at the painting on the wall. Introverts are okay with quiet and you have to be too if you want to see me again.
Be honest if you like the time you spend with me. Make me feel important. Tell me how you feel, please don't make me guess. Introverts are thinkers, we analyze everything, so if you don't tell me, I will figure it out on my own and sometimes I am wrong. If you don't want to see me again, please thank me for the evening but tell me that you don't think we are a good fit. I am better with that than wondering. If you do want to see me again, tell me. And you don't have to wait three days to call. But that isn't because I am introvert, that is because I haven't been out on a date in a long time. :)
Romancing an introvert is difficult for most people because we are a minority and most people are used to dealing with extroverts. Even introverts are used to extroverts. So be patient with us, be honest with us, and be happy to see us. We love praise and attention just like everyone else, just maybe a little quieter.
Happy Valentine's Day to all the extroverts and introverts......may you join together in peaceful bliss.